The Reluctant SAHM--Freedom, thy name is summer camp

Hello, my name is Susan, and I'm a reluctant SAHM.

This week my kids have been at a camp from 9:00-4:00. I've been loving the break. While I always wanted kids, and I'm glad I have mine, even from the time Kathleen was little I looked forward to the time when I could load them all up onto the school bus, and have seven glorious hours to myself, to get back in shape, to clean house (and have it stay clean for awhile!), to pursue my own interests, or just to enjoy the peace and quiet. The thought of all those blissful hours, only a few years down the road, sustained me through my days of struggling through infant and toddlerhood. (I've got to admit, I'm not a little kid person. The older my kids get, the more I like them. Even my tween.)

I never attained my goal. For exactly one month I had Kathleen in third grade and John in kindergarten, with only David at home. One more year and they'd all be in school. In the meantime, I was really enjoying life. David had no one with whom to bicker, the house got 2/3 less messy than it used to, and other than talking pretty much nonstop all day long, David was an easy and congenial companion. I worked out almost every day, kept the house clean, had home cooked meals most nights. Life was good.

All that came to a screeching halt when I decided to homeschool the kids. Let's just say this is not the life I envisioned for myself. At all. Many days, it vaguely resembles purgatory. On really bad days, perhaps one of the first couple rings of hell. And on good days, much fewer and farther between than they should be, it's pleasant, although rarely how I'd choose to spend the day, all other things being equal.

It's not that homeschooling is so tough, or that my kids are so bad, or that I don't enjoy being around my kids. But on every personality test I've ever taken, my level of introversion is somewhere between that of a desert-dwelling hermit and a reclusive cat lady. So being around three very loud, very sociable little people all day long is nerve-wracking. If I didn't wholeheartedly believe in the immense benefits of our family homeschooling, and indeed, that God is clearly calling me to homeschool, I'd have the kids loaded onto that school bus so fast they'd get whiplash from their swinging lunchboxes.

So this week has been a great pleasure for me. So far I've had three blissful days of solitude. I'm hoping that, once this week comes to a close, I feel mentally refreshed and ready to re-enter the fray with a happy and peaceful heart. And not that I start looking for excuses about why it's okay to send the kids back to school.